Fizzled to Frazzled

It spite of my good start on Saturday, the evening ended like the last 5 – a collapse into bed!  I’m so frustrated!!!!!  I know that physically I’m still off from being sick, but if I’m honest with myself it’s mental too.  I hate my job.  People who have caught that I’m at the same place as last year might find this odd She didn’t know she hated it last year?  Actually, I hated it last year, and that’s why I stayed (also because I got an offer to loop up a grade with my all-girls class and I didn’t want them to feel like I abandoned them).  Last year was terrible, terrible, terrible, and even though I knew this year would be bad, I needed to prove to myself that it didn’t have to be that bad.  And it hasn’t been.  Things have been a lot better.  If I hadn’t signed up for after-school it would be much better.  So while I’ve continued to make mistakes (after-school was a biggie), I’ve proven to myself that I can do this.

On to happier things recaps.  We met up with A’s family and spent the day tooling around the city.  We went to Macys to see the holiday decorations first.

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And then up to Times Square for lunch.  A choose Dave and Busters for his birthday meal (big day’s not until this week, but this was when everyone was around).  The menu was pathetically unhealthy, but I ended up choosing the “Buffalo Chicken Bites.”  There were definitely better choices, this had 1200 calories!, but a. I have a major weakness for buffalo, and b. with breakfast my whole day would be less than 1600calories and I wasn’t planning on eating dinner.  They were delicious.

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I left about 1/4 of the fries and picked off a lot of the bread but devoured the chicken.  I also took a few bites of the “birthday fondue.”

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After lunch we walked up to Rockefeller Center to see the Christmas tree!

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And we split up with A’s family and headed home (and to bed).  And then I stayed in bed.  Until this afternoon.  I had big hopes, but this morning was not a success.  Today could have been fairly stress-free, but I waited waaaay too long to get going.  I just felt like I couldn’t move; emotionally and physically.  A went out for pizza and I ate two slices, and two cookies, but have no photos because it was before I fully committed to getting out of bed for the day!

I did finally get up, do my plans for the week, walk to Staples for supplies, and do some of my more important grading.  For dinner we ordered (unhealthy) Chinese food and I had General Tso’s Chicken.

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I ate about 3/4 of what is shown, along with 2 big bites of white rice.

Since I can’t do anything about my job, all I can change is my attitude towards it.  I’ve been really proud of myself so far this year, but I have to keep it up.  Eating crap, like the last two days, certainly doesn’t make me feel any better.  I’ve managed not to regain any weight, but I got back to my regular self a month-ish ago and just died.  I have to step up my effort to make it to the gym; it will make me feel better physically and mentally.  Tomorrow is a new week, and 20 days until my first wedding aniversary, and I know I can do it!

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7 Responses to Fizzled to Frazzled

  1. carolinebee says:

    AH i’m so sorry about your crappy situation- you are so strong for powering through it, and at least you have a great husband and family to see u through it! Good luck!

  2. VeggieGirl says:

    Oh no 😦 Emily, I’m terribly sorry about all this, but PLEASE stay strong and positive, as much as you can!!

  3. Sharon says:

    Sorry to hear about your job situation? Is it teaching in general that bums you down?

  4. Erin says:

    I like your attitude – you’re right, you can only change what you can – which actually is really empowering!

  5. Maggie says:

    You can do it! I found this great quote today that you might like – “If you really want to, you’ll find lots of ways; if you really don’t, you’ll find lots of ways not to.” It’s a Filipino proverb. Hope that job stuff gets better soon.

  6. Hangry Pants says:

    Sorry you hate your job. At least you have a little break soon, right? How is the teacher market in NYC. Any prospects for next school year?

  7. Emily says:

    Thank you to everyone for the support! Maggie I’ve never heard that one before, I’m adding it to the list I keep on my laptop (I try to put quotes on the board from time to time) thank you!

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